Not So Organized, Huh?
by Riku's Dark Vampire Girl
Summary: Being in the Organization isn't all fun and games. They got problems of their own!
1. Chapter 1

Just something I had in my mind for a while. If it isn't as funny as you thought it would be, hey I tried. And I'm still working on my other stories.

_We are Organization XIII, the most elite of all the Nobodies._

_We control the elements and the lesser Nobodies as we continue to try regain our hearts._

That's always our shortest description of ourselves. We're nothing, empty shells, waiting to fade back into the darkness. You'd think being able to control the elements and those weaker than you are would be an advantage, right? Wrong. We had no hearts after our previous downfalls to the Heartless, we only had our emotions to help us pretend we had hearts. But, unfortunately, that's not our only downfall. Just because we control the elements doesn't mean we're not affected by them. And each day, we deal with the stupid consequences.

My name is Roxas. Number 13.

I'm _very_ cool for my age. I always thought of myself as bright, fun, and peace loving. I control the element of light, which suits who I am. In the Organization I have two others friends: Axel and Demyx. They always help me get back up on my feet when I'm down and always protect me from the others. Heck, we even do the Cha Cha slide when nobody's lookin. I couldn't ask for better friends.

But, what they don't know about me, is that I'm nyctophobic. I can't friggin help it! I just can't stand being left in the dark for a long time! It drives me crazy. Even the slightest twitch of something moving will send me screaming. It's horrible! I try to shield myself with the sheets, but it still doesn't help. Every night, I have to sleep with a teddy bear or have a night light on. Several times since I joined the Organization have I had to get up and run into either Axel's or Demyx's room to have them hold me, or go back with me until I fall asleep. Several times I've had my embarassments.

It was late at Castle Oblivion and everybody had finished eating dinner at the table. We got up and put our dishes in the dishwasher, same as every night. "So how was my cooking this time?" Demyx asked me, smiling as the three of us walked down the hall. "Great, but don't make my curry so spicy next time, okay?" I said. I also hated spicy stuff, I always ended up pooring cold water on my body, which Demyx seemed to stare at me wide-eyed for. "You know you liked it" he smiled. "Yeah, Rox. You need to like hot stuff more" Axel smiled. Of course he liked hot stuff! He controlled fire! "Whatever" I rolled my eyes. "You liked it! Say it!" Demyx tried to drown me in the fishtank in the main lobby. The moron always did that when I didn't compliment his cooking right. "Bkluash iak!" I tried to say. He let me out and smiled. "Thank you!" he patted me on the back.

"Riiiiight" I looked away, trying to regain my breath. Demyx left to his room, one that fit his element, before saying good night. I started to get nervous. "So what're you gonna do tomorrow, eh Rox?" Axel asked. I always liked being around him when I could. Or either of them. "I dunno, what about you?" I asked. "Burn stuff" he smirked. Did I mention Axel was a pyromaniac? He demonstrated to me what it meant by trying to burn my ass. He left third degree burn there, so it hurts everytime I try to sit down. "As always" I smiled.

He went to his room, which left me to walk alone down the hallway, and it was dark. You'd think I'd turn on all the light switches until I reached the end of the hallway, right? Well, since stupid Larxene was working on a project earlier, it knocked out all the power through the hallway to my room. I gulped. If there was one word I could think of, it was this: Dammit! I took a deep breath and headed down the hall. I tried to think of the light, how it was great and special and powerful, but it didn't help me here! As I got further down, I started to lose my breath, causing my mouth to go dry and my body to sweat. Suddenly, I heard a footstep. I looked back, but seeing the light that far made me shake. Another. I looked forward to the even darker darkness if that was possible. "Who's there?" I called. Did I mention I have an extreme paranoia? It only happens in the dark, but I get my fears!

I held my throat. I always get nausea when I get too scared. I started to cry. I always considered myself the youngest of the group, so I did that. I heard a dark laugh and hugged myself. "Mommy" I whined. I couldn't help myself anymore! Something freaky was about to get me and I only had two things on my mind: Curling up in a ball or passing out. I started to run, the footsteps following behind me. I started to lose control of my words and blurted out of random "Joe momma!" Okay, it wasn't the _smartest_ thing to say, but I thought it would scare them.

I tripped on my jacket. I told them it was too big, but nooooooo. They insisted it would be good to have something I could grow into. Screw them! I looked up when I saw it. "Hey Roxas..." It was the last thing I remembered before passing out of fright.

A few hours later, I wake up in the infirmary, everyone around me. "What happened?" I asked. Axel smiled nervously. I sat up from the bed when I felt an uncomfortable feeling in my pants. "CRAP!" I yelled. I wet myself outta fright before I passed out. "Maybe I shoulda walked you to your room" Demyx put his hand on my shoulder.

"You bet you shoulda" I pouted. I know! I'm 15 and I'm supposed to be a man, but I couldn't help it! I still had the mind and soul of a 3-year-old kid! I wanted love, dammit! I shot into his arms and nuzzled my face into his chest. "You guys left me alone!" I cried. "Sorry Rox. We didn't know" Axel pat me on the back. "Well, at least Zexion is getting what he deserves" Marluxia looked back over to where Xemnas was beating Zexion down for scaring his own partner. After being beaten down with a bat by Xemnas, Zexion was forced to walk over and apologize. He sighed and looked into my eyes. I clutched my fists.

"Sorry for-" "PEACE, BASTARD!" I jumped at him and started to throw punches at him. Nobody really tried to stop me, it's what he deserved. Afterwards, both me and him were sent to our rooms, but this time, Axel and Demyx walked me back to my room, holding my hands. Like I said, I couldn't have better friends to take care of a nyctophobic person like me!


	2. Shock

My name is Larxene, and I'm number 12.

Yes, I'm the beautiful, smart, and talented one of the group. Not to mention the only girl! Kinda reminds me of when I was still human. Only girl part of the team and the only one who would actually tell my partners "Get off your asses and stop drinking so we can get back to hunting for Cloud!" Heh, but that was a long time ago!

Anyways, I control the power of lightning. Anytime you make me mad, I could strike you down like a lightning rod. When the power went out at Castle Oblivion, I lit the place back up. I don't see the others doing that type of magic! But oh well, can't always get what we want.

I'm pretty sure all the guys are falling for me since there's nobody else to fall in love with, except themselves, but what are the chances of a relationship between Roxas and Axel? I mean come on! Still, it'd be nice to see them makeout, take a picture, and then post it on the internet. I can imagine all the reactions, sweet!

Even though being the beautiful and cute one is great and all, I hate that I get shocked EVERY SINGLE DAY! It's annoying! When I touch a doorknob, it shocks me! Go on the rug, shocks me! Even turn on the T.V., and it shocks me too! Isn't there anything that won't shock me? I mean, really now! I asked Xemnas for something else, but all he said was "You'll get used to it" and went back to sleep. Get used to it! Being shocked every single day? At least this didn't happen in the Turks! All this electrical stuff reminds me of a few weeks ago...

Okay, so there I was, just walking into the lounge. Marluxia, Axel, Demyx, and Zexion are all watching Sailor Moon or Bleach or whatever on T.V. I guess it was Sailor Moon, cause I could hear Axel say "Sailor Mars is sooo hot!" and Demyx go like "Sailor Mercury is sooo cute" and then Marluxia all "I love the way Tuxedo Mask throws his roses at the bad guys!" I rolled my eyes.

So anyways, the T.V. suddenly goes out. They all start freaking out as if it was the most important thing in the whole world and start to try to find a way to fix it. I tried to sneak by them, hoping they wouldn't see me so I could get to the kitchen. "Hey Larxene" Xigbar just _happens_ to walk up to me. "You idiot!" I shocked him. I look back to the others and they're all staring at me. "Somebody kill me" I thought, but what good what that do? "LARXENE!" they all charged at me.

"Xigbar you're gonna pay when I get outta this!" I yelled back to him as I was chased by a stampede of men. "Why today? Why?" I thought to myself. I just wanted to go to the kitchen and get that last bag of pop rocks, but nooooo. Stupid Xigbar had to ruin everything! Just then, I tripped, which broke my thoughts. I turned onto my back and screamed as the boys crashed into me.

So a few minutes later, I'm sitting behind the T.V. and Marluxia is holding my bangs, pointing them in different directions while the others are sitting on the couch. "Over to left" Axel waved his hands. He moved my bangs to the left. I groaned. This was the fifteenth time this week! "Moon Cosmic Dream Action!" the T.V. said. The boys cheered. Marluxia taped my hair in position and then got back to the T.V. "Could it get any worse?" I groaned. "Hey everybody" Xemnas walked in, eating _my_ pop rocks! At the sight of that, I screamed.

But that was only one of the times, here's another. Okay, so this time, I'm in the lounge watching Yu Yu Hakusho and decide to get and get a soda. What? They have hot guys, I can't help it! So while a commercial is on, I get up and walk to the kitchen for a soda. I open the fridge and there it is, the last can of Moonkist. I take it and I'm about to turn around when I feel something hard slap my butt. At first, I yelled "Who's the wise guy?" but then, I look down and there's a pot sticking to my butt. "Crap! Not again!" I groaned. I tried to pull it off, but it was a no go.

My show was about to come back on so I started to walk towards the room, a few more metal things grabbing onto me. There was only one thing to do now. "I call upon the power to strike!" I pointed my finger to the ceiling. A blast of lightning struck down around me and melted the pans off. Xemnas was going to kill me for it, but oh well.

"Oh, nice" Axel said a few feet across from me. "I tried to tell Xemnas!" was all I could say. "Whatever" he started to walk past me, but just one inch away from, he gets a huge shock. I look back at him and see him burnt like a tree from a forest fire. He turns around to me and lets out a puff of smoke before passing out. "Now he's gonna kill me" I sighed.

So there's my problem with electricity. I wonder if the others have it as bad as I do.


	3. Bees and Hives

My name is Marluxia. Number 11.

To myself, I am the Graceful Assassin. I control the power of nature and wield a pink scythe in battle. I am one of the strongest Organization XIII members. So I think to myself. The others call me gay, a hippie, and stupid. But they're all jerks! I'm the one who owns the castle for them to live in! Actually, I found the castle and rented it before Xemnas came along and bought it, claiming it his. Oh well, that doesn't matter to me, as long as I have somewhere to stay.

Though, if there's one thing I hate, it's the irony. I control flowers, but I'm allergic to every kind! So then I get hives. And you know what's just as ironic as hives? I'm allergic to bees too and they're all around my flowers! Every single day I get stung! Not good! My whole body gets covered in welts and and red rashes. It drives me nuts! I stay in my room after each sting for almost an entire day until it stops! It reminds me too much of the bad times...

Okay, so outside of Castle Oblivion is a small garden of mine. I have to keep those flowers alive so I can use them in battle when I need them. It's sooooo annoying! So I go out there, wearing a bee suit so the touch of bees and flowers won't get to me. At first, everything is going real smooth, I water the flowers, the bees aren't doing any harm, everything is great. Until a bee hive drops into my hands.

I throw it away from me outta fright, screaming. "Where the hell did that come from!" I yelled. I looked around and Xaldin is standing a few feet away, hiding one of his lances behind his back and smiling nervously. The bastard cut the bee hive down. Suddenly, the bees swarmed into my mask. Ohhh the FRIGGIN PAIN OF IT ALL! They started to sting at my face. I threw the mask off, but they still wouldn't leave.

Just when things couldn't get any worse, they started to get into the body part of my suit. "Make it stop!" I yelled, ripping off my suit. Just as it was off, I tripped backwards and fell into the flowers. "WHY!" I yelled. A few seconds later, I feel cold water splashing onto my body. I shake my hair of it and look up.

Demyx and Xaldin are looking down at me with a weird, amused, and curious look. "Sor-" "BASTARD!" I jumped at Xaldin as he tried to apologize. He knows the problem with me, but he went and did the cruelist thing in the whole world! Demyx just watched us fight while eating a bag of popcorn. Moron.

That was probably my worst time, but there's still more. I was laying in my bed after another attack of the bees. I'm all reading my book when I hear a knock on my door. "Come in" I call. To my surprise, everybody walks in holding something behind their backs. "We thought we'd come in and cheer you up" Larxene smiled. Cheer me up? Since when did they get so nice? She pushed my onto the stove last week!

"Yeah, you're always getting attacked by bees and going all weltszy" Axel smiled sweetly, too sweetly. "What're guys gonna do this time?" I asked. "That's no way to treat people who're trying to cheer you up!" Vexen pouted. I crossed my arms. "Asswipe" I whispered.

Anyways, I noticed Axel and Demyx chuckling to themselves. So I kept wondering, what the hell were they planning? "So we decided to get you a present, from each of us" Xigbar stepped forward. I raised an eyebrow. But that's when things went bad. They all showed me what was behind their backs. I screamed and hid under my sheets. Flowers! Those idiots gave me flowers! Bees included! The last thing I heard was "Pay up" from Axel before the bees attacked me.

Could be the reason I'm gonna overthrow them. All those bees and the power of flower, a pink scythe! How dare they! Wonder what would happen if they got stung by a bee!


	4. Gambling and Drinking

My name's Axel. I know, it's not my turn yet, but I have a very good reason for coming up this early. See, some of the Organization members think they don't have a problem or plain just don't want to talk about it. But luckily, you got the hottest of the team to tell you what's wrong with whoever. I'll probably be complaining alot too, deal with it. So just sit back, chillax, and enjoy what I have to say.

Okay, so this one is all about Luxord. Number 10.

He's supposed to be called the "Gambler of Fate" or something. He's blonde all over, beard, mustache, hair, whatever, that's not even important. He always talks in hard to understand words like "avarice." Can't he just say "pride"? Not that hard idiot. Next to Saix, he's the one who has some weird weapons. Giant cards? What the hell? "I'll give you a giant papercut! Be hold my Jacks, Queens, and Kings!" Yeah right! Everytime somebody walks somewhere around him, he yells "52 pickup!" and throws his cards up in the air. Do you know how hard it is to pick up cards that big? For crying out loud!

But being annoying isn't his only problem. Since he's the "Gambler" he has a, you guessed it, gambling problem. Got it memorized? Did you know we used to have actual clothes? Tons of them were from when we were still human. I'm talkin closet and dresser full. Well, after Luxord joined, we sold our clothes to pay off his gambling debts. And what's worse is that almost all the underwear had to go too! All for this idiot who just happened to join.

All Xemnas could aford were these black coats and pants. Yet he still wouldn't give Mr. Gambler the boot! Our leader's got some major problems! Luckily for me, I still have one pair of clothes from my human days that I always cherish, my Turk outfit.

But there's still more to say if you think this case is closed. There has been tons of times we've lost a lot and tons of times we have been planning on how to talk to him to help him out, but we haven't even called a meeting yet. Luxord is going to gamble us dry...

So here's the deal. One night, before dinner, everybody is seated at the table. Completely out of random, Zexion asks "Where's Luxord?" We all looked towards where Luxord is supposed to sit at the table, and he ain't there. "Oh, boy" Vexen pinched the bridge of his nose. We all knew what was going on again, it shouldn't have been anything new. Out of nowhere, the front door slams open and then a few minutes later, Luxord is stumbling into the room.

"Where did you go this time?" Larxene rolled her eyes. "Who're you? I said I was going to the daycare fool!" he pointed. "Great, he's drunk again!" Roxas groaned. I guess gambling needed a fuel too. He also had a stupid drinking problem. "I know you weren't just talkin bout my mama!" he pointed to Xemnas, who didn't even say anything. "But I-" "Well, you suck!" he stumbled to the wall.

"Do you need some help?" Saix asked. "Get away from me, you crazy hooligan!" Luxord pointed. I started to crack up! I couldn't resist it. He sounded like an old man and Saix was being yelled at! "Shut up, Axel!" Saix growled at me. "Sorry, Mr. Hooligan!" I tried to stop laughing, but ended up making Demyx and Roxas laugh. Hell, I even heard Xemnas spit out a chuckle.

But, everybody stopped at seeing what Luxord was doing. He was picking up one of the knives on the table. "You making fun of me you little witch?" he pointed at Roxas. Now that was rude! "What? No!" Roxas shook his head. "Well I'll put you outta your misery!" Luxord charged at him. Immediately, Roxas got up and ran off, Luxord chasing after him. About 30 minutes later, we finally find Roxas huddled in a corner. We asked him where Luxord was and he pointed to a door. Luxord passed out in the sink of the bathroom. "Great" Xaldin sighed.

That's only his drinking problem. A few nights ago, we all knocked on his door for a little "chat" Apparently, the idiot broke into our banks and stole our money. He doesn't answer the door, so Lexaeus breaks down the door with his tomahawk. "Give it back, you idiot!" Xigbar pointed his guns. This is the screwed part.

Luxord is on the floor, some stuffed animals around him, and each of them have cards and our money. "I gotta a full house!" he laid his cards down. We all got a little scared and carefully walked in, took back our money, and _slowly_ walked back out. Now I know he's got more than a gambling and drinking problem.

Meh, hopefully we can come up with a plan before he goes nuts and asks us to gamble or something.


	5. Splash

My name is Demyx. Number 9.

Yep, that's me. I'm the Nobody who controls water. Not only that, but I'm a great dancer and an awesome sitar player. I always thought I was kind of a bad fighter, but a good person anyways. I help keep the ocean clean, don't I? My friends Roxas and Axel could prove it to you! I'm also a great cook. And if you don't enjoy it, heh, I'll kill you and throw your body into the water and wait for you to explode. But I'm loving anyways.

I keep thinking, I have it bad. Not just because Xemnas keeps sending me out to go do stuff, but the side effects of being, well, watery. Everytime I cry, it's more tears than anybody could want! I always have to mop it all up afterwards. Everytime I go to the bathroom, well, lets just say that's a problem too. I can't go a day without having water all over my body! It's annoying and stupid.

The worst problem that I can get is probably having pneumonia once a month. I can't stand it! But at least the advantage to that is that it gives Axel and Roxas an excuse to be by my side. What better friends could I ask for? Then again, there's also my fear of drowning. Believe it or not, I can't swim very well. all of these problems keep reminding me of a few weeks ago...

It was "Family Time" again as Xemnas called it. He insisted that since we were "tightly compact" that we should start acting like a family more often. All everybody could say was "What the hell?" but that didn't stop him. So this time, our trip was to the beach. At first, I didn't think this trip was going to be so bad.

Until _it_ happened. I didn't get a chance to pour some water on myself so I was sitting at the shoreline when all of a sudden I found myself head under the water. I paniced. I started to splash and try to get my head above the surface, but nothing did any good.

How could nobody have noticed I was drowning? They were only a few feet away from me! I could've controlled the water to get away form my face, but I was too scared. And that's when everything got real dark. Hours later, we're back at the castle in the infirmary. I noticed Roxas was hugging my arm and patted him on the head. I like the way he acted. It was cute.

"So what happened?" I asked. Everybody pointed to the back of the room. Marluxia was being beat down with a chair by Xemnas. Both of them are crazed fruit loops. "Marluxia was trying to drown you" Zexion shrugged. "Why? What did I do?" I yelled. "You guys and your stupid flowers!" Marluxia yelled from his beating. "Oh yeah, that" I started to laugh.

This is probably the worst time. I was walking into the kitchen and saw Lexaeus cooking something brown looking. "Whatcha doing?" I asked. Then he's all "Mind your own business!" and covering up whatever he was making. Then an hour later, he comes walking up to me and Axel while we're watching Sonic X. "I made something for you, Demyx" he smiled. Now that was creepy.

He handed me something wrapped in foil. I looked at it suspicously. "What about me?" Axel complained to him. Then Lexaeus whispered something to him that made Axel jump at him and suddenly start to beat him down. So while that's going on, I open it and see that it's a chocolate bar in the shape of the Organization symbol. "Thanks" I said, even though I doubted he could hear me.

So I took a bite, but that was my worst mistake. Within a few minutes, I'm on the floor, rolling in pain and holding my throat. It wasn't posion, it wasn't that _other_ type of chocolate if you know what I mean. I looked back into where I had taken the bite and see a bunch of white stuff in it. The bastard filled it with salt! I was beginning to dehydrate! I got nausea and felt like dying right on the floor when Roxas ran in with a cup of water for me.

After my little episode was done, Axel asked why he did it and you know what the son of a gun said? "You took my tube socks" Tube socks! Just some stupid socks! I got up off the couch and stood in front of him. "Dance water! Dance!" I took out my sitar and began to string some notes. Automatically, he was sprung into the air by my water. "Serves you right, sucka!" I yelled.

I'm just glad that's over with. My problems can't be as bad as Mr. Hippie Marluxia's. But what about the others?


	6. Flames

That's right! They saved the best for almost the last, me! You'll be hearing me talk about the others problems, but this one is all for me!

My name is Axel. Number 8. Got it memorized?

For a person like me, I'm pretty hot, and I mean _really _hot! I control fire with my two little chakrams. Get me mad and expect to see yourself with flames all over your body. Poor water on me and you get steamed! That's how I am with my buddies Demyx and Roxas. You gotta say something to them, you gotta talk to me first. I wouldn't talk though, I'd rather just knock you out. But enough about all that. Here's a few problems.

I'm a pyro. I don't think that's much of a problem really, can't help but burn things when I get bored...

A few nights ago, I'm chillin in my room, playing with a little plushie. It was a present from Demyx, okay! So I'm thinkin, "He did a really good job with it! It looks just like Roxas!" Can't help a work of art. While I'm enjoying my little plush, Saix bursts open my door! Talk about rudeness! "The hell do you want?" I yelled, trying to hide the plushie behind my back. "I know you took it!" he pointed. "Friggin took what?" I yelled.

"My moonstone" he answered. Yeah, he always had that thing in his room for good luck. "I don't know where your stupid kidney stone is!" I yelled. Completely not taking my word, he starts to look around my room. I started to squeeze the plushie a little, he was going through my stuff! He looks in my drawer and looks through my underwear. "Pervert!" I yelled, but he threw some underwear my way. "What are these?" he holds up my boxers with little flowers on them.

I tried not to blush. Zexion was pushing his luck of putting laundry where it's supposed to go. "Perv!" was all that I could yell, squeezing the plushie so hard it squeeked. He looked my way and saw I was holding something behind my back. "What do you have?" he asked. "Nothin" I backed up in my chair. "You have something" he started to get closer. "None of your beeswax!" I backed up as far as I could. "Let me see it!" he grabbed my arm.

Out of fright, I accidentally burned the plushie. He twisted my arm from behind my back and all he saw was ashes. All the work Demyx put on that thing! "Hey, Saix" Xigbar opened my door. He looked over to him. "Found your moonstone" he tossed it to him. "Thank you" Saix caught it. "So what _did_ you have?" he turned back to me. "I had a plushie Demyx made for me" I gritted my teeth. I was about to explode, which is actually possible for me. "Sorry" he turned around and was about to walk out when..."SON OF A BITCH!" I jumped on top of him. Luckily for me, my pal Demyx made me an even better one and the Roxas recovered from whatever burned him. Me and Saix almost never get along.

Okay, so this one time, Saix comes home from the grocery store. I'm in the kitchen, eating cereal when he just drops one of his bags right in front of my bowl. "Yes, that's a bag. So what?" I looked to him, a smirk on my face. He scowls at me and takes something out of it. He drops a package into my cereal, the milk splashing straight into my face. "And that is my steak. I want it cooked and made well done. Understand?" he said. I wiped the milk off my face and looked up at him. "Why don't I just shove it up your-" but then he cut me off by growling.

Believe it or not, I'm the only one in the house who can heat things up. So I smiled nervously and got up for the stove. It's sometimes best not to get Saix mad sometimes. I'll explain it later. So then he leaves and I'm stuck with his stupid steak to cook. "Great, the perfect way to start my Saturday" I groaned.

I rip open the package and throw the thing into a pan. I close my eyes and start to concentrate on the power of fire surrounding the thing, my hands heating up when..."Hey Axel, Luxord just dropped your toothbrush in the toilet!" Larxene popped in the kitchen door. "HE DID WHAT?" I yelled in surprise, losing my focus. "Sorry" Luxord moped in. "BURN BASTARD!" I set him on fire. Can't bother one's toothbrush, ya know. "You burning something Axe?" Demyx walked in. I turn back to the steak and see it completely burnt. "CRAP!" I screamed. Saix was gonna kill me now.

And the end to this small tale, I bring Saix's steak to his room and set it on his lap. "Well done, like I did to Luxord" I smiled nervously. That was my biggest mistake. He looks at it and starts to growl, eyes glowing, and teeth are lookin pret-ty sharp. "That cost my $15" he looks over to me. "Sorry?" I shrugged. He jumps at me and starts to bite and tear at any part of me. There's a reason for that too, but like I said, I explain it later.

Next to that story is this one. It was Roxas's birthday a few months ago. My little buddy was turning 15 and everybody wanted to make it special for him. It was my duty to bake the cake. You'd think something would go bad with me cooking it, but everything went fine. The only bad thing was this. Everybody was in the dining room with Roxas, waiting for the cake. I was just done sticking in the candles when Xaldin walks in. "Are you ready?" he asks. He sounds so old, I can't stand it!

"Almost, gramps. Just let me light these candles" I lifted my hands. "I'd think it's best if you used a lighter" he shows me the lighter on the counter. "I can do this, okay?" I said, my hands emitting sparks. "Really, I'd think it's best if you-" he started, but I made a threatening stare to shut him up. So I use my flame covered hands to light the candles and, well...BAM! There's cake splattered almost all over the kitchen and all that's left of it on the plate was some melting icing. "Hoo boy" I gasped. Everybody was going to kill me. Xaldin ran back into the room to tell everybody what I just did. The bitch!

With the best smile I could slip on, I walked into the dining room with the melted icing on the plate. Everybody stared wide-eyed, especially Roxas. "Uh, happy birthday?" I shurgged. Nobody said anything. "Cake anyone?" I pointed to the melting icing. Roxas burst out crying and ran out of the room. Everybody watched him run out and then turned all angry faced back to me. I sighed, drop the plate, and took a knife outta my pocket. "Looks like I'll be using this afterall" I put it to my wrist. I just made my best buddy cry and everybody else was gonna kill me anyways! What could I do? That's when everybody tried to stop my from my suicidal attempt and just made me go apologize to Roxas.

I made a plushie of myself for him for an apology and was banned from using fire for a month, but got off early cause it started to freeze in the house.

That's my little problem story, I'm sure you found it hilarious. Now get out.


	7. Full Moon

Yeah, it's me again, Axel. This guy may think he doesn't have a problem, but he does. His name is Saix and he's number 7.

Of course from my last bio, me and Saix never get along. It's almost fight, fight, fight every single day. He wields some weird looking claymore like thing. I hate that he always talks in big words like "euphoria" and stuff like that. He's just like Luxord! Oh yeah, he wields the element of the moon which causes some big problems...

Due to him using the power of the moon, Saix is a friggin werewolf. In the day, he almost always stays in his room. And when he does come out, he acts like a dog. Instead of using the bathroom for relief, he goes outside and does it on the side of the castle. Weirdo.

When he needs to take a shower, he runs out the door and jumps in some lake somewhere. Oh, and when it's time for dinner, he comes in with blood on his face, carrying a piece of meat from whatever he killed and drops it on his plate. For some reason, Vexen always faints at that. And for another odd, odd reason, if Xemnas or Zexion or somebody Saix is friends with is sitting on the couch, he walks over to them and lays on their lap to be petted. I mean, what the hell? Have some dignity man! He's just too much to handle...

It was only a few weeks ago that this happened. It's late at night and everybody's ready to hit the sack. I head to my room, take off my jacket, and turn off the light. But there was one thing I forgot: It was a full moon. So a little later after I fall asleep, Saix wakes me up by howling outside of the castle. It happens everytime. I open the window and throw one of my chakrams at him.

"Shut up, dammit!" I yelled. He looked up at me and growled. "Yeah, yeah. Grr, grr, Mr. Wolfman. Shut up!" I yelled and closed my window. I fell back asleep, but woke up again. This time, it wasn't because Saix was howling again. He was in my room, hovering over me. "Shi-" But I couldn't finish cause he started to bite at me.

Because of him, I had to be with him at night too until a cure could be found for me by Xigbar. It hasn't worked yet, but it's supposed to eventually. If it doesn't, at least one of us is going to have an eye.

Thank goodness for me, I don't do the same things Saix does during the day. Roxas and me were watching Samurai Champloo when he all of a sudden walks in. "What do you want?" I asked. "Hi Saix" Roxas looked up to him. Roxas is just too nice for his own good. He drops a toy bone in his lap and smiles. "Oh no, Roxas is about to go to the dark side" I thought. So he picks it up and tosses it a few feet away. Saix chases after it and retrieves.

"Aw, good doggie" Roxas pet his head. That was just creepy. So Roxas keeps doing this a few more times before I get caught up into it. He throws it for the 5th time and I chase after it too. Me and Saix fight over it like dogs would, but he came out on top. The cheater. "Oh, yeah?" I got up. I walked over to Roxas. "C'mon, Roxas. We can watch T.V. in my room" I picked him up, hoisted him over my shoulder, and went up to my room.

Another time was when me and Roxas were in the computer room. These things almost always involve Roxas. Saix walks in with a clipboard. I gotta get me one of those things. "Roxas, did you download the information about the heart?" he asks. That drew me away from my game of Pacman. "Yeah, it's all right here" he said, handing Saix a floppy disk.

And in return for his little work, Saix starts to lick his cheek. Creepy, wrong beyond reason, and it needed to stop! I shot out of my seat and took out my chakrams. He stopped and looked over to me. I growled, but all he did was shoot me a smirk and walk out. "Coward!" I yelled. "I think it's kinda cute the way the both of you act like puppies" Roxas smiled up to me. That's exactly what Xemnas said too. "Well, you're mine, got that?" I sat back down. He pet my head which made me feel better again.

The most tense one was probably this one. It was training day again. Me and Saix were to fight each other. I threw my chakrams at him and he went around the arena making those weird glowing waves of his. But out of nowhere, he kicks me in the groin and pins me to the wall. "Time out! Time out!" I yell. "Kicking below the belt is not allowed" I pointed. "You were off your guard. Hit wherever your opponent's weakness is" he shrugged. "Oh yeah" I make my hand into a gun motion. Pointed at his face, I shot off a fire ball. "You just let your guard down" I laughed as he fell backwards.

But again, that was a mistake. I forgot again: It's night outside. He was starting to change. "AHHHH!!!" I ran out the door and through the hallway to my room, but I knew it was already too late. Saix somehow got infront of me and was blocking my way. "Get lost!" I growled. He got on all fours and was ready to fight. Great, what else could I do, but change?

We fought for a while and then everything went black. We both woke up in the infirmary, but something bright was flashing in my eyes. "What the hell?" I sat up. There were stuffed animals around both me and Saix. Larxene was giggling madly and taking pictures of us. "The he-" but then I notice I was naked. "Wait until these are posted on the internet!" she looked at the pictures. Me and Saix growled, she was gonna pay. Then Saix all jumps up and chases her. "You two are so weird together" Demyx walks into the room. "Wanna join us?" I smiled. At least having him with me would help ease things. He crossed his arms and looked to the side, showing he was thinking.

"Will it hurt?" he asks. "It hurt me" I shrugged. Then he started thinking again. He was going to take forever cause he didn't like things that were "scary and painful" as he put it. Roxas came over and sat next to my, smiling a little too much for comfort a little. "You could use some clothes" he said. I forgot I was still in my birthday suit. "Like it?" I said in Demyx's kind of way when he used a water attack. Even though I said that, I turned as red as a cherry. To make me feel better, I nudged Roxas off the bed and got behind him. Remember when I said we almost didn't have any underwear? I flipped the back of Roxas's coat up and whistled "Nice ass, Roxy!" That made me feel better, cause now he was blushing. Anyway, they walked with me back to my room while looking for Larxene on the way. We found her clinging to Vexen's legs as he walked down the hall saying something about "getting Saix trained"

And where was Saix, you ask? He was in his room on the bed, guess he was sleeping cause the door was left open and the light was off. Just when I walk past the guy's door, he's all "See you tomorrow night, Axel" in his usual voice that made you know he was smirking. This led me to 2 really annoying results. One, Saix wasn't asleep afterall. Two, it was a blue moon this week, and another full moon was tomorrow.

Roxas looked up at me with a smile again. "Puppy!" he cheered. "Maybe I should get you a leash" Demyx teased me. "I'll bite you!" I bared my teeth. They both petted my head. I howled, another night, another time to act like an idiot. "THIS SUCKS!" I yelled for the whole world to hear.


	8. Fangs

My name is Zexion. I'm number 6.

To the others, I am known as the "Cloaked Schemer" since I usually come up with a lot of plans. I'm the basic genius of the group when it comes to plans, inventions, and ideas. The others are smart, but can't match up to my IQ. I don't blame them, dealing with their powers and being lazy is one of my disadavantages too. I've never told anybody this, but I wield the element of darkness.

They think I'm powerless since I choose not to fight and instead plan things, but I have the power. But, I also have, a little itty bitty problem with it...I'm a vampire. I can't help it!

Why do they think I'm always in the basement of the castle? I can still walk during the day, but the light almost blinds me and I shut my eyes while tripping over everything I can't see. And the others just look at me like I'm crazy. Wow, that's some real caring right there. Even though I need blood, I can control myself by eating normal stuff, even though it helps very little. "Why me?" is what I keep thinking.

A few nights ago, Axel woke me up out of my coffin. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked. "Sleeping" I turned onto my frontside and covered my head with a pillow. "Are you really a vampire?" he asks. "Do you want me to prove it?" I asked. He knew, he just wanted to annoy me. "No thanks, I already got a bite mark" he showed me the bite scars Saix gave him a few weeks ago. "What do you want?" I asked. "I gotta stake behind my back" he smiled. I closed the coffin.

"I'm just kiddin, you idiot! Get out of the cereal box!" he started to kick at the box. "Leave me alone!" I yelled. I just wanted to go back to sleep for Pete's sake! "It's sunset, isn't that the time you're supposed to get up?" he asked. I opened the lid and sat up. "You're a nuisance" I yawned. "Want a kiss to make you feel better?" he asked. I growled. "Anyways, dinner time. Lets go chow down" he helped me up. I admit it, Axel is my friend, I just don't tell anybody it. "What'd Demyx make this time?" I asked. "Curry" he answers. I hissed, Demyx always put onions in it. "You didn't die the last time, now did you?" Axel asks. "No" I sighed. I'm immune to those type of things, but I hated the taste.

"Here you go" Demyx cheerfully put a bowl of his curry in front of me. I winced, I could feel the heat from it. "I just know I'm gonna die if I eat it" I said. Not from the garlic, I thought, from the intense heat. But what else was there to eat? I got a spoonful of it and took a bite. For a long time I held my spoon in my mouth, tears coming to my eyes, but I tried not to show anybody else. "Are you alright, Zexion?" Saix asked who happened to be sitting right next to me. I nodded, the spoon still in my mouth. I knew I was going to kill Demyx for this.

My time came when Demyx went back into the kitchen. I excused myself for the bathroom and left for the one down the hall. I shifted my form into a bat and flew back down the hall to the kitchen. Demyx was cooking something else since he was at the stove.

I changed back to my normal form behind him and growled. He turned around to me and nearly jumped back onto the stove. So close! "Hi Zexion" he said all cheerfully. "Too...hot" I hissed. "My curry?" he asked. I nodded slowly. "Sorry" he smiled. "I'll bite you" I stepped forward. But right then, he stuck a strawberry in my mouth. I raised an eyebrow. He was smiling again. I growled. "Do I need to put some holy water on you?" he raised his other hand and above it created some shiny looking water. I whined and shook my head.

"Good! Now finish your curry" he pointed to the dining room door. I marched back shamefully to finish my mouth sealer. He always had the advantage with his holy water.

On that same night, after I was finished drowning my mouth with water, I walked back through the hall where Larxene destroyed the lights. It was the only way to the stairs. "From now on, my meals are always going to be cold" I reached the stairs, but that was when I suddenly heard other footsteps. I looked toward where I had come from to see Roxas walking down the hall. I smirked, I was still hungry enough to get something quick. I jumped to the wall across from me and climbed down. He looked around. I took another step. "Who's there?" he called. I was hoping he didn't see me.

Just when I heard his heavy breathing, he started to cry. I can't blame him, we're both the youngest of the team and he's only younger than me by a month. Seeing him so afraid of the dark made me laugh, I thought he was the "Wielder of Light."

He started whining "mommy" and started to run, I swiftly followed behind him. Then, out of complete randomness, he yells "Joe momma!" So I'm thinking, what the hell, Roxas? My chance to get him came when he tripped on his jacket. He turned around to look at me and I smirked, "Hey Roxas..." before he passed out. "My gosh, Roxas" I leaned down to him.

I lifted the upper half of his body and opened my mouth when..."I got the lights back on!" Larxene said cheerfully. So the lights burst on. I covered my eyes and looked around. Everybody was coming down the hall. "What're you doing, Zexion?" Xemnas stepped forward. I looked back down at Roxas and then back to him, smiling nervously.

Next thing I know, I'm being hit with a bat by our so called "leader" for trying to drink Roxas's blood. Talk about child abuse. Then when Roxas wakes up, he beats me down. You can't say I was desperate!

Another time was when Roxas was watching some type of scary movie with Axel. It was dark, only the T.V. was on, and it was a two for one deal. I snuck in and jumped to the ceiling where I hung for a few minutes. From what I saw, they were both under some sheets eating popcorn. Typical. I crawled to above where behind the couch was and dropped without making a sound. Slowly, I creapt to the side of the couch when..."I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick" Axel got up. "Don't leave me!" Roxas grabbed his arm. "Do you wanna come with?" Axel smiled back to him.

"Now that was stupid" I thought. "Trust me, there are no such things as salamander demons" he assured him. Roxas nodded and let Axel go to relieve himself. "Perfect" I thought and crawled into the blanket. Roxas was still focused on the movie, so it was easy for me to easily put my mouth to his neck when..."Spider!" he screams and starts to freak out like crazy, bringing us to the floor.

I only had a small time before Axel came back, so I tried the best I could to hold him down. Just when I had him pinned, the sheets lifted off. "You're back!" Roxas looked relieved. I could tell Axel was too, when I turned around he was standing above us. His eyes were glowing, fangs were bared, and he was growling. How could I forget it was another full moon? He points down the hall towards my room.

I got up and sighed, walking down it. "Go after Marluxia or Vexen next time" he suggested as I walked down the hall. Instead of taking his advice, I went after Demyx and got my prize. He didn't wake up or anything, luckily, but he saw the pool of blood that I left on his sheets. The next day, he's chasing me, swinging around his, what was it called, guitar? No, _sitar_! He was swinging around his _sitar_ yelling "Bloody murder! Bloody murder!" at me. Do you know how hard that thing is? It's as hard as a diamond! And all Marluxia said was "Sit down and eat your damn cereal!" That's some real help right there. Yeah, I can always count on him. Asswipe.

Still, sometimes this ability comes in handy and sometimes it totally screws something up. I'll have to deal with it, and so do the others.


	9. Earth Bound

Axel here again. Yeah, I know, you missed me talkin to you. Anyways, this next guy isn't the brightest of the group, but he is pretty ugly. His name is Lexaeus, number 5.

Okay, so this guy's big, strong, yada yada yada. Whatever. He's usually in the gym all day, trying to get stronger evern though he's strong enough! He wields a friggin tomahawk for Pete's sake! Anyways, even though he thinks he's the "Silent Hero" I think he's a "Stupid Zero" and here's why...

For starters, he's takin drugs. How do you think he got so buff? Working out for the first few days since he joined doesn't get you _that_ muscular _that_ fast. Second he's, what was it, aviatophobic? Yeah, he's afraid of flying. Guess since he wields the element of earth, he can't really get off the ground. Which also brings us to him being acrophobic, afraid of heights. I shake my head in shame and laugh at him.

Okay, so we're in the training arena. Xemnas says, it's time for all of us to learn how to jump and "stick it" as he put it. Bascially, jumping from a high place and not getting outselves killed. Sound fun to you? So we got on top of the highest tower of the castle. Everybody on the team was nervous, cause we didn't wanna die. First, Xemnas takes a jump and lands it perfectly. So then, he calls "you're next Roxas." So Roxas steps up to the edge of the "safety plank" as Xemnas called it which was really some rickidy old board.

Roxas just looked down and automatically had tears streaming down his face. Can't blame him, he was young. So I thought, this is child abuse. But, Roxas just closed his eyes and jumped. Unfortunately, Roxas didn't do the "best" fall, cause one of the tower edges caught hold of his pants and he slipped out and crashed on his back. "CHILD ABUSE!" I yelled.

Yet everytime somebody was up, the person behind would push them or jump on the board to make them fall. I would know, cause stupid Saix pushed me off and I had to wear a cast for a week! So it was Lexaeus's turn. He walked up to the board and looked down while we waved with whatever wasn't broken for him to jump down and get killed, I mean, just jump.

You know what he does? He gets in a scared position and starts to cry and rolls around on the plank when he accidentally falls and well...let's just say Demyx had a few months rolling in a wheelchair. But to get even, Demyx did something to him and the day after he did that, I saw him have what I at first thought was "red paint" on his sitar and a "new red string."

And you know what else? Few weeks after we're all healed, it's time for another training session. This time, we had to learn how to fly. "Great, just great" is what I kept thinking. What we basically had to do was concentrate our power element to levitate us off the ground. It was easy for the rest us, especially Xigbar, cause he didn't have to do anything. He controlled gravity, which to the rest of us, was un-friggin-fair!

So, it's Lexaeus's turn, again. You know what he does this time? He holds onto the ground and starts to bawl. "Get off your ass and be a man!" Zexion started to kick him, but he just kept crying and whining. He controls earth and what comes from the ground, stays on the ground was all I could think, and he _definatly _needed to stay on the ground.

Oh yeah, there's also one thing I left out...

Okay, so Roxas, Demyx, and me are in the kitchen, sticking spoons on our faces. Don't _even _think about asking. So Saix walks in and drops something in front of me, _again_. "Yes?" I looked up at him. "I didn't have any money to go grocery shopping again, so I got take-out" he said with a smirk on his face. Demyx looked at it and raised an eyebrow. "It's chicken" he said. Saix nodded. "It's still has a beak and feathers" Roxas edged away from it. Then it started to move, but Saix hit and it stopped. I began to twitch, that was just creepy. "Cook it, and remember, this is everybody's dinner tonight" he says and then walks out.

"You two are gonna help me!" I pointed at the to little buddies in front of me. They agreed, even though they said they had "better things to do." First, we had to chop of the head. I took care of it with my chakrams. So then we had to pluck the feathers. Not hard. We just started to rip them off like there was no tomorrow. But then, "Captain Planet" walks in and sees the chicken on the table, the blood on our hands, and the feathers all over us. And just like that, he takes off, running and screaming.

Did I mention that he has a fear of chickens and feathers? I know it's not earthly, but it's pret-ty weird. Me, Roxas, and Demyx just stare with a look of "What the hell just happened?" on our faces. And later on that night, he didn't even come to dinner. Larxene said she saw him in his room taking some drugs. And he calls himself the "Silent Hero" Hah! Nothing heroic about 'em!


	10. Chills

Well, I guess I'm up. My name's Vexen and I'm number 4.

I'm the Nobody who controls ice and wields a shield in battle. To get the shield thing straight, I don't like to get hit, it hurts. Anyways, I'm one of the older members in the Organization. For controlling the element of ice, it comes with a price of course...

But first, lets start with this, the younger members are bastards! I mean, really! Everytime I say "hi" they give me a weird look, even Xemnas! Plus, I'm not _that _old! I'm 35 friggin years old! Yet everytime I'm in the lounge, Axel comes along and says "Here's your pill, grandpa!" and then walks off laughing. Talk about disrespect! And Demyx keeps smart-mouthing me, saying "You're just frozen water, which is no different then regular water!" There is so a difference! Just because he controls water doesn't me he controls all types!

Anyways, the problem with controlling ice isn't the frozen water, just the cold. For over half the time, I get colds, the flu, and upper body infections. It drives me to the point of insanity! Each day its "take some medicine for this" and "take some of this for that" and "Quit coughing on me!" from the others. It's so annoying...

So it's another day I have to deal with my cold problems. "I'm gonna die" I said, but due to the cold it sounded like "Die gonda dieb" which made absolutely no sense. I get out of bed and walk down the hall to the kitchen and up to the medicine cabinet. "What up, Mr. Freeze?" Axel walks over and sits on the counter. "I'm sidk doday" I tried to say. You know what the idiot asks. He starts to chuckle. "Who's gay?" he asks and then bursts out laughing.

"Quidt mading fund of da way I dalk!" the wrong words came out again. "What'd you say?" he tried to stop, but didn't, which made me even more upset. "Didiot!" I yelled, but then I started to cough. "Ew, you're contagious" he got off the counter and got a soda from the fridge. I heard Axel almost never gets sick because he's "so hot" "Dell you're da dastard!" I pointed. I felt like an idiot. He started to growl and turned to me with glowing eyes. I forgot it was going to be a full moon tonight and getting him started would worsen what would happen.

"Dutt!" I turned back to my medicine. He walked over and kicked me in my shin before leaving. No respect. So after I take my medicine, I walk back down the hall just when Xigbar happened to be walking by. I start to cough again. "Get a bubble!" he says. "You try being sick for a day!" I tried to say, but he turned to me, gave me an odd look, and then said slowly "**I-am-straight**" then turned and went back to walking. I wasn't to proud of what came out of my mouth either.

Another time was this. A few days ago, we had to meditate in the highest of the castle's towers. Everybody seemed quiet, too quiet. About part way through our time, I start to feel sick again. So I'm thinking "Anytime but now!" cause Xemnas thinks that anybody who "breaks the silence" will be "invited" to stay in the "white room" which Marluxia said was like an asylum. I tried to keep myself from sneezing, but I was too sick to think of not letting it out or something.

I sneezed. Everybody was broken and looked to me, especially Xemnas. I opened my eyes and coughed. I thought I saw a vein pop out of Xemnas's head. I coughed again. Everybody started to scoot away from me. "Vexen!" Xemnas got up and walked over. I was crazed for a week in that room, all because it wouldn't stop playing that "Happy Happy Joy Joy!" song.

One more time was this. The worst season of the year was around, flu season. Xemnas got two boxes in the mail. The small box had twelve vaccine capsules in it. For some crazed reason, he allowed Xigbar to give us the "shot" which he took the absolute wrong way. He filled some of his special darts with the vaccine and tried to shoot at the others, but not before giving himself the vaccine the right way.

The bigger box, much to my dismay, was filled with more vaccine for me. The others laughed at me, one: this meant I'd be in more pain with Xigbar chasing after me and two: I'd be dead for several weeks before the effects wore off. I was right. I got several shots in my arm, leg, and even the back of my head. I was unconcious for, what Lexaeus said, about six weeks. They're lucky is all I can say.

It's not fair, but it's better than what Marluxia has. But it still stands that they're all little bastards!


	11. Slice and Dice

Guess who? Shouldn't be hard to guess who's talking since I told you about most of the other members. Anyway, I found this next guy to not only be _extremely_ weird, but also _extremely_ dangerous. His name is Xaldin, and he's number 3.

Okay, for the bio, this guy controls the element of wind and wields these long sharp lances in battle, nothing really bad. But you know what? He has friggin sideburns! Sideburns, can you believe it! Those things go down to his friggin face, it's ugly, disgusting, and it makes Roxas nauseate! And he sounds like an old man too! What the hell is up with _THAT?_

Anyway, this guy's problem isn't what'd you'd expect. Well, actually, one problem of his is when he "lets it rip" He just stinks up the whole place and nearly suffocating anybody who's behind him. So his problem is this: he has a major problem with using his lances "outside of battles"

A few days ago, he's supposed to be helping Demyx cook dinner. Before anybody was called to the table, I went in to see how they're doing. "You're not making liver and that crying stuff again, are you?" I pop in through the door. He turns around to me all sensitive and teary eyed. "You didn't like my cooking, Axel?" he asks, about to cry. I look to the side and sigh, I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I put it in the fastest and clearest way I could: "Demyx, it tasted like crap and I nearly threw up" was what I said. That didn't come out right.

His sensitivity all of a sudden disappeared and instead, he got all angry, and I could've sworn I saw steam come off of him. So I decided to edge away from Mr. Angry and looked over at what Xaldin was making. Fruit salad. He was _definately_ watching that little kid's show too much. I decide to try and snag a grape real quick, but what I did was a big mistake. I reach for one and BAM! Guy digs one of his lancers right in my hand. "FRIGGIN HELL!" I yelled. "No grape for you!" he points a knife at me.

"It's just a friggin grape!" I yelled. It really was and my hand was starting to bleed _really_ badly. "Get out!" he pointed to the door. Yeah, out of fear of getting sliced to pieces, I left and didn't come down for dinner cause I was afraid he'd still be mad at me, so Roxas brought up some food for me. "What's up with you?" he asks. I shook my head.

Can't help it that the guy has a _major_ problem with cutting and slicing things. When Xemnas found out about my cut, he tied Xaldin to the highest of the towers while it was raining, but he got down anyway. Guy's a freak of nature.

Oh, and did I tell you we actually had a few more members in the Organization? Only three more before Larxene and Roxas, but after Marluxia joined: Alex, Xander, and Xaria. Well, all three had "untimely and mysterious" deaths. Good ridance. They were stupid, lazy, and were only in for a few days.

First, Xander. He went up to Xaldin and said, "Are you a sasquatch? Cause your face says it all!" he laughs. Big mistake. So Xaldin answers "Are you dead? You're cold body says it all!" while one of his lancers instantly impaled this guy right in the face. And Marluxia was all "Now I'm # 13!"

Next up is Alex. Kinda weird death. I heard from Xigbar that he was bothering Xaldin the other day about his lances being used for an actual purpose besides killing. The next day, Alex, while being stalked by Zexion on the ceiling, was walking in the dining room when all of a sudden, the chandelier falls and crushes his weak little body. I just happen to be around at the time.

Zexion jumps off the ceiling and points to where the chandelier was. Right in it's place was a familiar "blue and long" pole looking thing. And Marluxia, "Now I'm # 12!"

Last, but not least, Xaria. Now her death was faster than the others. She walks up to Xaldin, trying to figure out one of those wonder cubes. "Xaldin, could yo-" "NO!" Xaldin cut her off and stabbed her with his lance. He uses those things more like spears than lances.

A few weeks after Roxas joined, he just went on a total rampage. I was away for a week on vacation and when I came back, things were twisted. Demyx was pinned to the wall, Roxas was hanging from the ceiling, Saix was hiding under his bed, Luxord was bawling cause his cards were ripped up, Larxene's bangs were giving off static, Vexen was hung upside down, Lexaeus had a lance stabbed in his hand, Zexion had one stabbed in his chest, and Marluxia had a bee hive on his head. Where was Xemnas, you ask? He was in the lounge reading the newspaper, perfectly fine. "I miss a party?" I asked. He looked up and said "Xaldin lost a card game with Luxord" Typical.

Xemnas decided it was time to take action. He wanted to get Xaldin into a new hobby besides hurting and killing. So he had him start to make kusudamas and hang them up. He said it was a way to "express his feelings without having to kill and/or slice" as he put it.

Meh, it was working for a while. He hung them up around the castle and taped them to whatever he could find. Thought it would work, but after a while...

He was running down the hallway with some scissors, laughing like a mad man just when a certain person was walking down the hall. Right then and there, Xaldin trips and...well now you know how Xigbar got that eyepatch. Of course at first, Xemnas got him an eyepatch that had a smiley face on it. He wasn't happy.

In the end, Demyx and Zexion sewed the words "I'll stab, slice, and kill you if you come near" onto the back of his coat in big red words. It actually worked cause everybody didn't want to go through all that stabbing again. Since that worked, Xemnas returned Xaldin to helping Demyx in the kitchen cause of his chopping skills. It's amazing that guy still has all his fingers.


	12. Sniper

Guess who's here? No, it's not Axel if that's who you're thinking about. It's Roxas. I'm in for Axel cause he's sleeping in from his night out with Saix. They're so weird. Anyways, it's probably great to have somebody else talk. So lets get started. This guy's pretty cool for his age, however old he is...His name's Xigbar, number 2.

Honestly, I don't know how the hell Xigbar got into second in command. He's immature most of the time, sleeps in, and is basicly lazy, but then again we all are. As Axel said, Xaldin tripped and his scissors shot right into Xigbar's eye, but I guess he didn't say anything about him trying to get it out, am I right? Actually, when he tried to get it out, he ripped it right down his face...

So that's how he got those scars. Xemnas had to do several operations to get his face back in order. You'd never guess who joined the operations: Zexion, of course cause he likes blood, Demyx to make alcohol out of water for cleaning, and Saix because...well I never really found that out. And for that, Xaldin was stuck in the white room for a month.

For what he does, Xigbar wields these sniper-like guns and the power of gravity. He's called the "Freeshooter" because of these. Well, they're also his problems.

Usually, Xigbar is in the training room shooting at targets and anything we don't want anymore like old cups and vases. He was pretty good at it, until he wanted to move onto moving targets...

So Xemnas allowed him to go outside and shoot at little critters like rabbits and squirrels. I thought that that was insane, the poor little animals and cause Saix started to chase after them. That was only the start of the madness...

After a few weeks of shooting moving targets, he went all "trigger happy" and started to shoot at everything that moved, from birds to people. Soon, he was shooting at us like there was no friggin tomorrow. I got shot in the butt about 14 times before I had to have an operation for it, after being burned by Axel, it had to go through more torture.

To stop the insanity, Xemnas took Xigbar's snipers away and gave him a toy gun, complete with suction cup "bullets" which seem to help the rest of us stay alive.

Again, things got outta hand. He still shot at us like crazy and Axel sweared the next time he got shot, he'd use the "bullet" as a plunger to "plunge Xigbar's eye out" as he put it. Luckily, Axel wasn't hit for the next few days after that, but in an unexpected twist, Xigbar wasn't so lucky.

One afternoon, I was watching Xigbar sneaking around the castle. "What're you doing?" I asked. "I'm going after the spot" he whispered, which made no sense to me. So he grabs me and hides me behind a pillar. Then he goes forward and hides behind another one. "Hey wolfy!" he yells.

His "target" turns around and he shoots him right in the face. Now I got what he meant by "the spot" after that. But, Saix wasn't too happy about a suction dart being in the middle of the scar on his face. He went all werewolf and nearly killed the guy. Can't blame him.

For punishment from Xemnas, Xigbar had all his guns, bullets, and shooting games taken away from him for a few months until he got ahold of his twisted senses long enough to be normal again.

Another problem of his is his gravity control.

It was just another day gone bad. I was gonna spend the day sleeping in when all of a sudden my head hits the ceiling. "Get away from me!" I yelled, swinging my arms at the air. If there's anything I hate, it's being woken up, especially in a way something hits me. I look around and see that I'm floating above my bed and keep bumping against the ceiling. "Oh crap" I thought. Not a way to start the day.

I tried to concentrate my power to let me float down or at least move towards the door. It did my second choice, by raming me straight into the wall. "CRAP FOR CRAP POWER FROM A MOTH-" I'll just stop right there for my vocab and get on with the rest of this tale.

I finally get my head out of the wall and get down to the door. It wasn't any better out there. Outside, everything was floating around, from vases to furniture. Absolute insanity. "Axel!" I cried. If anywhere, I'd like to be with him. "Roxas!" it was Demyx who answered my cry.

He floated into the doorway down the hall. "Are you okay?" he asks. "My head was rammed into the wall" I growled. "Hang on!" he started towards me. Even though that was a good idea, it wasn't the speediest. It took Demyx about 30 minutes to get to me. "You know, I could've just floated to you" I sighed. He froze there in a blank face and steam started to let off. He was angry.

So we both floated or "air swim" as Demyx put it, to the lobby where supposedly everyone else was. I was right, though things were just as chaotic. I guess Zexion was still sleeping cause he was still laying in his floating coffin, Xaldin stuck one of his lances in the floor and held on, Vexen was trying to make some heavy ice blocks but each one floated, Lexaeus was screaming and crying while trying to hold onto the couch for dear life even though that was floating too, Saix had dug his hands and feet into the wall to keep him from floating any higher, Axel wasn't as worried and was doing somersaults in the air, Luxord was flapping his cards hoping it would get him down, and Marluxia was cursing himself to death. Not the _smartest_ ideas.

The only two not there yet were Larxene and Xigbar. "Good morning" I smiled. Everybody mumbled something. "Have you seen Larxene, Roxas?" Xemnas asked. He was just floating in the middle of the room, arms crossed. "No" I shook my head. Out of random, we hear a scream from upstairs, but it echoed through the whole castle.

"Uh, oh" Axel laughed. A few minutes later, Larxene is floating in, but not as we expected. I blushed so hard, I turned red. "Whoa" Demyx blushed too. Soon everybody else was blushing, except for Lexaeus who was still crying bloody murder. Larxene was naked...actually, she was covered in a towel, but she was still naked. "WHERE'S XIGBAR?" she screamed. We all shook our heads. But just then, he comes floating in.

"This is fun" he comes back stroking into the room. "You idiot!" Saix yelled. "What?" he looks up. "What'd you do this for?" Zexion's coffin floated by. I tried not to laugh at that. "What, this?" he asked. "What else jackass!" Demyx yelled. Never heard him say that before. "I saw some type of mouse in the hall and released the gravity" Xigbar shrugged. "A mouse?" Axel raised an eyebrow. That was pret-ty stupid of him.

"Didn't want to get hurt" he shurgged again. "I...was in the shower when you...did that!" Larxene gritted her teeth. "And I was relieving myself on the toilet!" Marluxia yelled. "I did _NOT_ need to know that" Xemnas gritted his teeth too while Axel covered his ears and chanted "Lalalala flower stuff! Lalalala flower stuff!" over and over again really fast. "Nice bod, Larxene!" Xigbar looked over to her. Big mistake.

She almost ripped out his heart and broke his leg from what I saw, but then Demyx said I couldn't watch anymore cause I was underaged, but I gave him the puppy look and he let me watch again. Afterwards, Xigbar got knocked out and the gravity was turned back on. So Xemnas picked him up and led Zexion and Demyx to the operation room. I actually went in there a few minutes after to ask Demyx for some salt water, but when I saw how bloody it was in there, I fainted. Axel brought me back into my room and told me about the operation. He had to hand Xemnas the tools. I heard Xigbar woke up right in the middle of it, but Demyx hit him with his sitar to put him back to "sleep" Served him right.

So that's Xigbar's problems. Aside from the shooting and gravity things, he's actually a pretty cool guy. Oh, looks like the finale's coming up next.


	13. Grand Finale

Hey, I'm back. Roxas said he was filling in for me while I was sleepin in. Gotta love the kid. Anyways, it's not gonna be just me here, I have a special guest. "Hi! Roxas here!" He was too scared to go back to his room because: 1, it's dark in there and 2, Zexion was about to draw blood so he came into my room screaming. "Can't help it that he's always after _my_ neck" Meh, crap happens.

After going through 12 of the members, you should know who's coming up next. "He's the weirdest and scariest of all of us" Got that right. Mr. Paranoia himself, Xemnas, number 1. Give it up for Creeper McCreeperson!

You'd think that since he controls the element of nothing, you'd think there's _nothing_ wrong with him. Nope! Sure, he's number one- "In his dreams!" Exactly, but with a name like Xemans, you gotta be kiddin me. If you rearrange the letters in his name, it spells 'Mansex' in plain clear letters. "Did he even _know_ that his name could make that?" Apparently not, otherwise, he wouldn't have taken Ansem's name. "Idiot" His problem, not ours. "Sucks for him" Okay, this guy has a list of problems that are either hilarious or just plain wrong beyond reason, and we have to deal with them. So sit back, "Relax" and enjoy, "The grand finale!"

Problemo numero uno, he's claustrophobic, pretty much afraid of enclosed spaces. "At first, Lexaeus thought it meant we was afraid of Santa Claus, but the idiot found out the real meaning after a certain event" Time to kick it.

It was another one of our "family days" together. "We had a chart for taking turns to choose a place to go for the week and it was my turn" Roxas soxas here chose the best place we could go, Disney World. Not too far, just a short little drive and we'd be there. We were gonna stay at a resort so we packed our things into a school bus. "That's right, since there were so many of us, we had to buy a bus for all of us to fit in" It was soooo embarrassing, thought I might've done a suicide before we even got there, but I held on. Only one thing Xemnas needed to do and we'd be on the road. "Unfortunately, that little problem, turned huge..."

Xemnas had to move his damn car out of the way! So he walks out of the bus and over to his Mia and gets in, but that's where the bad things started to happen. About five minutes after he got in, I jump out and go over to see what the problem is. "Don't you know how to drive anymore?" I walked over. He rolled down the window and looked up at me like something was about to kill him.

"Problem?" I ask. He turns back to the steering wheel and shakes his head. "So small..." he whispers. "What?" I ask. "So tight" he started to hug his arms. "You okay?" I ask. "Good Lord it's so small in here" he looks around. Something's definitely screwed with this guy was all I could think about. "I can't breathe..." he starts to hold his throat and starts to breathe fast. "Get out of the car" I said. He started to bang on the steering wheel when the air bag just happened to burst into his face. Automatically after that, he starts to scream and cry. I rolled my eyes. Calmly, I open the door and yank the guy out to the ground.

He lays there for a second and then gets back up to be all normal again. "Get your ass into the bus and sit waaaay in the back. Got it memorized?" I pointed to the bus. No wonder he never goes out to get anything or get groceries, guess that's why Saix was doing all those things. "And no wonder our castle's so big" In the end I ended up driving us to the resort. "We were lucky to get there alive. Axel hasn't driven for a while" I can't even remember how long I've been a Nobody, it sucks.

Speaking of Nobody..."Oh, I know what you're thinking" Right. Xemnas's next problem, he's ligyrophobic "Afraid of unexpected or loud sounds" Like Marluxia when he's mowing the lawn.

Out of complete boredom, Roxas poxas, Demyx, and me made a band called the Nobodies. "Pretty obvious? We're thinking about changing it to the Somebodies because 'Nobodies' shouldn't apply to us" The Nobodies are the weirdo things _we _summon and we shouldn't be called the same.

So anyways, we're tuning up in Demyx's room. I was on electric guitar, Roxas on drums, and if you can guess it, Demyx was on bass. "He switches from bass to sitar and back whenever he feels like it" Guy's got a passion for strings. Anyways, we were gonna start a song we made called Star Struck. "At first, it's soft, but then it bursts into loudness as a surprise" Probably loud enough to wake the dead.

So we play a few low notes for the opening and start to get as soft as we can. Somebody knocks on the door. "Come in" Demyx calls. "Demyx, I found a new type attack you could use" Xemnas says as he walks in looking at a clip board. "But that's when we had to play the 'Blast' as we called it" As soon as he heard it, he covered his ears and ran out screaming. We just stopped and stood there. "What did he say I needed?" Demyx asked. We all shrugged and then got back to playing.

"Man, for a guy his age, he's a real pansy" Never new the guy could be so wimpy. Xemnas is also mottephobic and here's what it is. Just another "ordinary" day for Xemnas. He gets up and walks out to the back of the castle. "For some reason, Xemnas likes the outdoors" Maybe it's because Saix is always out there or something...Anyways, Marluxia walks out with a watering can and over to his garden where Xemnas is a few feet away from. Unexpectively, while Marluixa is watering his pansy garden "Some bees just blast out of his garden and straight into his face" Lots of ointment to put on his lobster colored body, but he's not important...

Xemnas just watches and doesn't even bother to help the guy. "But then things changed when he looked back over to the flowers..." Right there in plain sight was a huge, "Evil" blue, "butterfly!" And just like that, Mr. Pansy Ass takes off running. Can you believe this guy's our leader? "It's a sad sad world we live in" A sad sad person we follow.

Also, he ain't the best in sports either. "No comment, it's shameful" Don't put yourself up for it, little buddy. Another one of our stupid "family times" we needed to get more athletic. "That's basically the only fun time we get, abusing each other with balls and rackets" At least it's fun. Demyx said we should play baseball, which wasn't a bad idea until Xemnas was up to bat.

"I don't get it! All I did was just throw him a curve ball and he just stands there and lets it hit him" He was distracted from what I saw. "But the next time I threw it, he hits it straight into my arm" I actually thought that was pretty good, but then he just started abusing Roxas like there was no tomorrow. "I had a black eye, bruised arm, and it hurt every time I tried to eat or use the bathroom" He was bed ridden for weeks.

"So then, Lexaeus decided we should play football" Of course he would make the suggestion, he was smiling and before we started playing, I saw him take some drugs! "Maybe the more he takes, the _quieter_ he'll get when he's sleeping" If that doesn't work, I'll kill him myself. So what happened was, Larxene "Yes, she was playing cause she wanted to beat us down" passed the ball to Xemnas. At first he just stands there and looks at it as if it was a jack-in-the-box "Speaking of jack..." Patience my lil' spikey haired friend. So he sees that almost everybody's charging at him and actually runs towards the goal.

"But then he runs past it and doesn't come back" We found him a little later and he said it was his now. "That was my favorite ball" It's okay, I'll get you a new one. Oh yeah, and about that jack thing, we pulled some pranks on Xemnas for the fun of it.

"See, we left jack-in-the-box at his door, knocked on the door, and then ran behind the nearby corner. He picked it up and started to turn the handle" But the music stopped right at the finale. "He started to shake it, put his ear to the side, and then banged on it" Don't think the jack didn't come out, it did. "Boxing glove on a spring hit him right in the face!" We couldn't help but crack up at the sight. "But then he saw us and basically grounded us for several weeks" But still, it was worth it.

Another prank we pulled was this. We put a toy snake in the garden hose. Demyx hid in the bush in the front yard with the hose and stayed there until Xemnas walked by. When he finally did walk up to the porch, Demyx threw the snake out and wiggled it around. "And just like that, the guy falls backwards and then gets up, speeding off" Hilarious! "And I got it all on tape" We gotta watch that sometime! Afterwards, he found out it was us and this time, no desert or sleeping in a bed for a week.

Back to the problems, he also is horrible with emotion. "Yeah, I mean, just because we lost our hearts, doesn't mean we don't have emotions" He's supposed to know that. Usually if somebody gets in trouble for doing some bad to another member, he beats them down with anything he can get his hands on. "Us doing bad things? What about him and Saix?" Really. I was walking by his room, saw a crack in the door, and looked in. And what did I see? Xemnas is watching T.V., while petting Saix, who's laying beside him. "You don't think that they're..." Got to be. It's in his name, and there's nobody else to fall in love with.

About the emotion thing too, he's not good with handling boredom. "I heard banging from my room one time, so I went to his room to find out what the deal was. When I get there, I see him on the floor next to his bed, with a hammer in his hand. So I ask 'What're you doing?' and he says 'Knocking holes in the wall' and keeps doing it" Still, that does sound like a good idea.

Then there's his problem with thinking that he's daring. "We told him we wasn't, and he started to make us do all these hard training like jumping off the castle" swimming with sharks "running around with knives in the dark" running in the rain "and finally, taking food away for a week." Thought we were gonna die after all that. "Yeah, and to prove that could be just as daring as us, he spray painted a picture of him on the side of the castle, giving a thumbs up with the writing 'King of the Castle' on the side" I thought that was just stupid, but he does own the place.

Oddly enough, all this stuff doesn't apply to him when it comes to fighting. "When it's training day, he just rips up the battlefield" Leaving at least five of us in severe pain and/or in a coma like state. "And yet, we manage to survive him each time" Maybe it's because he goes _his_ type of easy on us? "Or he's just letting us live so he can try and kill us next time?" Who knows…Well, at least we're not like the Nobodies we control. They're just plain stupid. "Got that right"

At least we try to make the best of it all. We just try to survive whatever idiotic and annoying thing that comes our way. In battle we just basically put our "hearts" into it. Isn't that right Rox-huh? Hmph, the little punk fell asleep. Oh, well. Night Roxas.


End file.
